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Friday, October 16th, 2009
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6:59 pm - Sometimes other people's conversations really make me want to shoot myself in the head....
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Scene: Chicago, 7-11, at the counter, cigarette prices posted around $9 a pack. I'm paying for my stuff. A group of teenagers has been looking around for vodka accessories and is ready to check out.
Guy with camera: "Oh I gotta get a picture of this!"
Girl: "What - oh.. the prices?"
Conversation ensues expressing shock and disbelief at the prices and how they'd never pay that and they don't understand how anyone in Chicago can smoke with those prices..
Girl: "It's amazing how, like, prices keep people from smoking rather than, like, cancer"
Guy: "Yeah it's kinda funny"
Girl: "It's not funny, it's ironic"
Total nerd guy: "Well irony is, by definition, funny"
I turned around to look at him like he did NOT just say that.
And, seriously, don't you people have anything better to talk about??
It's kinda like the balloon kid. I mean, for real? THAT'S what we get to see on all the news stations for 2 whole days?
Man, I wanted to get outta there so fast - for fear that even a tiny smidgen of their air-headedness might rub off on me - that I totally left without my receipt. But I did leave with important part... I finally got my mega quickpicks, Luke!
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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8:30 am - Voiceless
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To dream that you are voiceless, represents a lost of identity and a lack of personal power. You are unable to speak up and stand up for yourself.
She had my wallet. And I was yelling and screaming and cursing at her to give it back. But no sound came out of my mouth. In fact, she laughed at me. She'd already made copies of all my personal information and credit cards.
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| Thursday, April 30th, 2009
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7:36 am - Sunburn
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To dream that you have a sunburn, indicates that there is an emotional situation or problem that you can no longer avoid. There is some urgent matter that is literally burning through to your soul and demands your immediate attention.
dreammoods
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| Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
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8:00 am - how to melt
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"Deedee! Deedee!"
"Yes, honey!"
"Sit DOWN!"
"Okay!"
I seriously love that boy to death.
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| Thursday, February 19th, 2009
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9:04 pm - Survey says
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| Thursday, January 15th, 2009
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11:33 pm - How cold is it?
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It's so cold.. I came home with icicles on my eyelashes this evening.
After two weeks of sore, tired muscles from martial arts I decided to indulge this evening in an aromatic hot towel massage. There's seriously nothing like a stranger rubbing your naked body up and down with oils and lotions, letting out all the kinks and melting away all the tension. And the hot towels? Pure heaven. I like my baths hot enough so that my skin turns red and I'm working up a sweat and almost about to pass out, but I couldn't get the water hot enough this week and this massage.. well fuck, it's a whole lot better than just a super hot bath.
I'll probably go back again soon. I've been looking for something to clear my head and I think I found it when this massage therapist was digging his fingers into and pulling up from under my skull. It was like suddenly I could think a little better again.
The Cortiva Institute is maybe 5 blocks from where I live and coming back.. oh shit. My new puffy coat seriously works like a charm in shielding me from the arctic winds.. but with these -30 wind chills I really should have been wearing my thigh high socks. The knees were the least protected and the first to feel the burn of the cold. And the numbness was pretty quick to creep up my thighs. And even though the winter is a very miserable time up here, for some reason I found it adorable that everyone was still out and about downtown and so bundled up with nothing more than the eyes showing. At these temperatures, fashion is out the door and very few care how ridiculous they look. I dunno, it was cute.
This weekend I have a thirteen-year-old's birthday party to attend. (How is he 13 already? Wasn't he 8 when I met him? This isn't making any sense..) I'm also doing a very belated xmas gift exchange. Because someone couldn't remember to bring the gifts with him for xmas and hand them over while I was in Florida. Gifts that I literally trudged through a snowstorm for so that I could have everything ready in time for xmas. And now we're doing this in the middle of January.. It just feels so wrong somehow.
Anyway, we might also go sledding. Although the unfortunate truth is that snow mostly fails to delight and amaze me anymore. But sledding is about more than just snow. It's also about falling. And dodging trees. And when your boots/gloves/sleeves/pants have filled with snow, then you know it's time to go.
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| Saturday, December 20th, 2008
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12:38 am - all year
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This tree is up all year round. But only at Christmas does it shower presents.
I can't give up palm trees. I can't give up my miami cell number. I can't give up Florida. And this year.. I am looking forward to a green christmas like I never have before.
This morning gave me the idea that I should have added winter goggles to my xmas list. It's very difficult to cross Wabash at Van Buren in this sort of weather we had. I mostly shield my eyes from the wind snow & ice so that I can't see anything more than my boots stomping in the dirty slush, and cross my fingers that no car will hit me. So far so good.
Shoulders sore and knuckles chafed from beating on a punching bag the other day. A good kind of sore. 2008 has been the year of crossing off items on the Big List. Things I've never done before but always wanted to do. Get my passport, travel abroad, ride in a hot air balloon, going further west than ever before and more recently.. taking martial arts classes. Who knows what could be next?
All I know is I'm damn well looking forward to a full week in Florida.
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| Thursday, December 4th, 2008
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10:56 pm - Born in the Year of the Cock
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Dragon Gate; San Francisco
I like reading my horoscope, not so much for a prediction for what the day will be like.. but more for tidbits like this in today's horoscope. Food for thought.
"Perhaps you, like many people, have always felt that if others really knew you, they wouldn't like you. So you keep your entire emotional life secret.
But whatever you hide from others, you will also hide from yourself. And whatever you hide from yourself can control you without your being aware of it." astro.com
There's a lot that I hide.
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| Monday, December 1st, 2008
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11:55 pm - the path is chain linked
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San Francisco fence
So.
You may or may not know this but I was grossly ill about two weeks ago. The kind of ill that involves your stomach and the various and immense havoc it can wreak. And after 2 and a half days of missing work (time for which I will not be paid), the nightmare was mostly over. And for a very brief period I stuck to a very bland diet of saltines, banana, chicken noodle/rice soup, dry white toast, roasted chicken and white rice (at the advice of a nurse because, dear me, who woulda thunk the atrocity caused by broccoli and brown rice when your stomach is sick). By that Friday, I was able to walk around without running for the bathroom and thus well enough to get back to work. I felt like I lost 10 pounds and very, very weak. I thought this would be great, though - what great luck to lose some poundage just before Thanksgiving festivities.
Except that.. once my appetite returned on Saturday and my stomach appeared to be able to handle real food.. dear god, how I craved taste. I don't think I had "real food" until Sunday, though, and by then my stomach had suddenly become a bottomless pit. It was deceiving to me, of course, because obviously extra food would mean extra poundage and of course my metabolism would not be up to speed. But this disruption of my regular (very healthy high-fiber whole-grain) diet had caused quite the imbalance and left me with little to no will power to control it. And thus Thanksgiving arrived with my pants tighter than they normally are, rather than looser. One step forward, three steps back.
And so it is.
But this is a lesson to me of how the mind/body reacts when it is deprived. When you finally get that thing you desire so greatly, it just goes nuts. To hell with boundaries, limits, discipline, will power or any good sense whatsoever.
Of course I knew this already, so this is only a refresher.
In other news..
Tonight I took the leap to learn something new, something I've always wanted to learn, at the risk of looking like a fool.
It was worse - and better - than I thought it would be.
We shall see where this goes..
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| Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
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8:37 am - Well that takes the cake..
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My Christmas flight to Florida is NOW $190 CHEAPER than what I paid for it 3 weeks ago.
Am I the only one who can never get a fucking break?
Srsly.
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| Thursday, November 20th, 2008
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8:21 pm - love is truth
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| Monday, November 17th, 2008
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8:33 pm - slamming cupboards
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Morton Arboretum; Lisle, IL
It's not until I'm too frustrated with inaction that I finally think about doing something.
And the thing I think about doing doesn't help all the things I need to be doing. Plotting my escape to a faraway land doesn't help everything that's holding me back here.
I should experience different cultures while I'm still young and free, one side says. I want my life to be extraordinary. I want to do more than sitting in front of a computer all day.
But there is so much work for you to do here, the other side says. You've turned your life upside-down. When do you get it back together?
The work of decision adds to the anxiety of indecision. And still gets me nowhere.
So I say maybe it's not so bad the way it is here. Just for a little while longer. Until the next time inaction prompts me again to do something.
It could be two days. It could be two months. It could be two years.
And back to sleep I go.
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| Wednesday, November 12th, 2008
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9:05 am - Am I Awake?
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I just had one of those.. events. I don't know what to call them. A dream where I'm trying desperately to wake up but failing miserably? A dream where I think I'm awake but everything is really really off?
The bedroom door kept slamming shut. Andrew left the window open and the ferocious wind was gusting through the room causing the door to repeatedly slam open and shut. This makes no sense of course because it is November in Chicago and although we had some 70-degree days, it wouldn't be very smart at all to have the window open now.
On top of that, I kept seeing this handwriting on my white closet doors. Sometimes it would be in black, other times it was in red. I would blink and try to see, and ever time I looked it changed. At one point I recognized my mom's handwriting. But I was too scared to try to read any of what it might say. I just wanted the closet doors to be blank again.
Now I'm not sure of the sequence of events, or maybe the sequence doesn't matter. But although most of this dream involved me trying desperately to get out of the tangle of the bed covers (and failing miserably because i was trapped) I was able to get out of bed at least once. And I walked out to the kitchen. Here I ran into a brown translucent bunny that was hopping around at my feet. I think it had something to say, but I forget what. And back at the wall was a low shallow white plastic tub. The water was running and it was filling with water. I didn't walk near it, but grabbed the phone in the front corner instead.
Back in the bed, I was trying to call Andrew but this wasn't an easy task. My eyesight was gone. Everything was super fuzzy and blurry and I couldn't focus on a goddamn thing. I needed to tell Andrew that something was very wrong with me and I wouldn't be making it in to work. I succeeded once in calling him, but I had to call him again for something. But I couldn't figure out the phone. Because I couldn't see I kept hitting the wrong buttons. I tried on my cell, too, hoping that being able to see some color would help. But I was mixing up the red (end) with the green (talk). Still thinking this was all real, I wrestled and wreslted with the covers, trying to get out of bed. Wondering why it was so difficult and frightened at what might be wrong with me. I just wanted to see again.
And when I finally did wake up.. I couldn't believe at first that it was real. It took me a moment to convince myself.
Wind
To dream of blowing winds, symbolizes your life force, energy, and vigor. It reflects changes in your life.
To dream of strong or gusty winds, represents turmoil and trouble for you. You are experiencing much stress in some waking situation.
Wake
To dream that you are waking up in your dream, indicates that something is missing or lacking in your life. There is an aspect of your life that you are not utilizing to its fullest potential. You are not recognizing your abilities.
White
White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. However, in Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.
Rabbits
To see a rabbit in your dream, foretells of luck, magic and of a favorable turn of events and a positive outlook in your future endeavors. Alternatively, rabbits symbolize your sexual activity.
[dreammoods.com]
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| Tuesday, November 11th, 2008
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7:24 pm - Best Argument Ever
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Chicago; Last Week
The Sun-Times today featured a 7-year-old blogger who used his blog to support Obama.. Impressive stuff.
My absolute favorite is this election commentary on why Palin is not qualified. Love it. I thought it was very well articulated. And leave it to a kid to tell it like it is.
And by the way, god I'm so tired of my poor pathetic excuse for a camera. Aside from the impossibility of getting any nightshots even somewhat decent, you can see here the lens is dirty. I suppose there's a way to clean it (maybe?), but I'm way overdue for something better.
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| Wednesday, November 5th, 2008
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9:24 pm - Muenster
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My mind is really going. This is the worst (recent) example I have yet.
Tonight I wanted some cheese with my tuna and crackers. Got the crackers, the mayo, opened & drained the tuna and was ready to go. After mixing the tuna with mayo and spices, I opened the dairy drawer in the fridge and found no sliced cheese. I could have sworn I had cheese left. But maybe Andrew might have finished it up, so I asked him.
Nope, he didn't finish the cheese. I guess I must have finished it the other night, then, I thought to myself. Huh. Something still didn't feel right, but how in the world could the cheese have just disappeared?
Went about my business enjoying the tuna & crackers.
Half an hour later I'm back in the kitchen to grab a drink or something when I notice something on the counter..
It's a pack of sliced cheese. I touch it and it's still cold. And then I'm just blown away by the trick my mind just pulled.
Because one of two things had to have happened. Either I blacked out during the 5 seconds it took to pull the cheese out of the fridge and thus did not know I had done so. Or, I literally & completely forgot not even two minutes after doing so that I had taken the cheese out of the fridge to prepare my snack. And not even asking Andrew about the cheese or the odd feeling I got about it could have jogged my memory back. I think I still don't even remember doing it. Yeah, I'm a little spooked.
Perhaps it's time to get back to playing Brain Age..
Though in my defense (or my confession) I had a lot of sugar within the past 24 hours.
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| Monday, October 27th, 2008
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9:11 pm - Spatial Intelligence
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This must explain my uncanny ability to always know where the car was parked.
Your result for Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test... Spatial25% Logical, 53% Spatial, 35% Linguistic, 31% Intrapersonal, 12% Interpersonal, 25% Musical, 6% Bodily-Kinesthetic and 37% Naturalistic! 
"This area has to do with vision and spatial judgment. People with strong visual-spatial intelligence are typically very good at visualizing and mentally manipulating objects. They have a strong visual memory and are often artistically inclined. Those with visual-spatial intelligence also generally have a very good sense of direction and may also have very good hand-eye coordination, although this is normally seen as a characteristic of the bodily-kinesthetic intelligence.
Careers which suit those with this intelligence include artists, engineers, and architects." (Wikipedia) Take Howard Gardner's Eight Types of Intelligence Test at HelloQuizzy
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| Friday, October 17th, 2008
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11:37 pm - luck
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San Francisco; Chinatown
Upon hearing the news
that her pseudo-boyfriend's
sister
got engaged
it occured to her:
"i will never have a normal life"
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2008
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7:46 am - burst
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Barcelona; Casa Mila
i want to tell
everyone what i haven't
told anyone
all the truth
and honesty
what's inside
of me
let it all out until
there's nothing
left
to hold
nothing left
to call mine
but now probably
isn't the time
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, October 4th, 2008
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1:33 pm - This was a good one
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Meme, tagged by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) notmargaret
Rules:
A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.
B) Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.
01. What is essential for your happiness?
freedom, balance, flexibility, new experiences
02. What clothes are you wearing at the moment?
dragon sleep pants from jaclyn, a nude-colored tank top, a teal cardigan and homer slippers! (from my bro)
03. If you could have any job, what would it be and why?
i want a job that involves a lot of traveling, not sure doing what. learning and doing something new every day.
04. What is your favorite scent?
apple cinnamon. oh wait, pumpkin spice. yum.
05. What are you watching/listening to right now?
What Not To Wear
06. What do you drink the most?
Coffee and water
07. Do you trust easily?
Sometimes
08. Who was your first big crush?
I think it was... Brian T, fourth grade
09. What did you want to be when you grew up?
First a writer, then a psychologist
10. Do you have a good body-image?
I think so
11. Do you have a forbidden crush?
Most definitely. Perhaps more than one.
12. What websites do you visit daily?
Gmail, LJ, Yahoo mail, Weather.com
13. Random pet peeve?
Having to repeat myself a million times over to someone who doesn't get it and keeps asking the same question in a manner that shows they are assuming that someone or something else is the problem when in reality it is their own understanding that is flawed, and then they pretend to know what they're talking about and proceed to tell everyone what - and how - to do things (Random enough for ya?)
14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I don't know her all that well but she does seem interesting
15. What's the last song that got stuck in your head?
Wow.. I have to think back to this one. I think it was "Ordinary World", Duran Duran. It was so bad I ended up downloading the song (and other Duran Duran songs) from my phone so I could listen to it while at work. This was about 2 weeks ago.
16. What's your favorite item of clothing?
I really don't think I have one. Hmm.. perhaps I should work on that.
17. What's better: to give or to receive?
Definitely to give. I love to see other people happy.
18. What turns you on in the opposite gender?
Intelligence, creativity, playful, mischievous, sense of humor, an attractive face, an alluring scent, aaaanndd.. some other things :)
19. Is there anything you want so bad right now?
Yes. A few things. Some of which I don't do anything about because a) I don't know how, or b) I'm afraid of it.
20. What should you be doing right now?
Cleaning, laundry, unpacking two sets of suitcases/bags from my last two trips.
21. Whats the meaning behind your LJ username/name/nicknames you go by?
I got "half lit" from a Portishead song, "Mourning Air" ("Did I see a moment with you in a half lit world?") If you haven't heard this song, you really should.
TAG! You're ALL It!!
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| Tuesday, September 30th, 2008
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6:12 pm - A Recognition
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i had recently realized that my preference for the company of men comes from a need to recreate the bond i had with my brother. i had thought before it was because i was a lost girl looking for my father. and i would say most definitely that's what my first boyfriend was. but ever since then i've been attracted to people who reminded me of my brother. not bearing any physical resemblance at all. but looking for the same sort of interaction and dynamic that we had. craziness and randomness and bringing that out in each other. we probably even had some sort of working balance, since he was more crazy/social than i - and that's what i liked having brought out in me - and i in some ways probably kept him grounded. more than once he has surprised me with a heart-to-heart expressing how much he admires and looks up to me. something of course i never expected. but we all in some way provide to other people what they need. that is why they are attracted to us, and we in turn are attracted to them.
but this period in our lives.. late twenties reaching for early thirties.. is a very difficult one to accept. all of our relationships we had with our friends are changing. everyone is getting married and having kids. something, in many ways, is lost by that. i can never have that carefree alone time with my brother again. there will always be the stress and responsibilities of adult life. there will always be his wife and now his children. it's never just my brother anymore and i don't know where he went. or where to find him again.
i'm tearing up as i type this. i had no idea this was here.
no doubt the addition of these people in his life is a very happy one. i would never want it any other way. i realize relationships are always changing and the only way to keep them strong is to evolve with them. still i miss those times. and the inside jokes and the understanding.
i'm tempted to go on a long string of how things are and how it's all about balance, still a foreign concept to me, and what i need to accept and do to make it all ok and move on. the cycle of life and such. this has been my way for some time now. but when do i take a moment to really feel what is here and express and reflect that? i haven't been allowing myself to do that.
since i've realized this link of the bond with my brother to the aimless bonding attempts in my life.. my brother is now everywhere in my dreams. and these are sharp, haunting dreams that are practically trying to scream something at me. i haven't caught what they're saying yet, though. i've only dipped my toe in these waters. for someone like me who's all about self-exploration, there's a whole world now that i never even realized was here.
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